the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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