she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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