I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
