Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
