If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
