how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We left an ass print on the piano.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize