Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
