Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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