Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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