In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
