Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
