Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
