He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
