We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
