i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
