Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
