Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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