ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
