Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
