I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
