I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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