I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
