Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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