i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
