I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
