In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
