Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
