I'm going to jail i love you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
