yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
