Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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