No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
