He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
