that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
