Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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