i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
