Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
