Who wears a wallet chain?!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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