That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
