New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
