Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
