im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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