i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
