I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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