My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
