What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think my mom watched the whole time
i barfeds in our rink
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
