I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
be right there i have to get my cape
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
