gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This is not my ceiling
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
