It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
