White coat. Heels.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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