She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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