Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
