Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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