Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
